Friday, April 16, 2010

The Five People You Meet in Heav...err, the Gym

I wish we didn't have to meet these people, let alone see them. We are allguilty of gym faux pas at some point in our illustrious careers, yet somepeople just seem destined to fall into an endless rut of idiocy. There arealways variations of these people, and they come in all shapes in sizes.Before I categorize and slam others I must first make a confession.

I have sinned in the gym. Before my days of CrossFit, I watched as Iisolated my triceps in the mirror, I did barbell curls in front of a mirrorand I have walked aimlessly around the gym shaking a massive protein mix. Oh man, that feels so much better. Now let's get started.

The 5 people you meet in the gym.

1. Mr./Mrs. Hollywood: A common specimen, they meander around the gym floor while on their blackberry's. The Hollywoods usually look dressed up for a night out rather than an hour at the gym. Cologne and perfume cover the
smell of their spray on tans. They wear sunglasses in the front door...and in the locker room..and on the treadmill.

2. Frat Boys: They travel in packs of three to five, their mating calls of "Dude", "bro" and "Dawg" can be heard for miles. They flock to the squat rack and proceed to do barbell curls with too much weight and shitty form. They congratulate each other on a good set by a pat on the ass. Some woman take notice of the obnoxious behavior. Courting begins. Alpha males tend to puff out their chest and expand their lats as a sign of dominance.

3. Vultures: A soon as you have set up your area to lift, they swoop in. Vultures commonly ask the questions, "you done with that?", "how many more set you got?" or "mind if I squeeze in here real quick?" A persistant
beast, when answered with a "No" continues to hover and watch as you perform your workouts. As soon as you set down the bar they will be sure to get on it. No, he doesn't mind if you don't wipe it down.

4. Gym Date: I like a good date as much as the next guy, but I throw up in my mouth a little when I see a couple "working out". It usually becomes like watching this awkward love story. The girl wants to try things, the guys a bad teacher, and usually ends up doing his workout with a half assed attempt for fear he will embarrass himself. The girl then sits on a piece of machinery and watches her man in the mirror. Those of you that know me know
I take my girlfriend to the gym frequently, but there is a difference between a gym date and a ass kicking by crossfit. its like couple's therapy.

5. The wise old man: "Back in his day" he was a legend. He'll tell you how to do your workout better and safer. He's usually old, fat and smells of mothballs.

WOD: For Time:
Row 500 M
40 Squats
30 Situps
20 Pushups
10 Pull ups


  1. This is a good one! And the ones who like to grunt, groan, and make super loud noises that makes you think they dropped a weight on their trachea, like USC's Stafon Johnson, when really they are just trying to get EVERYONE's attention. When you do waste your efforts turning your head, you just see some dweeb with an asymmetrical physique who could use a little gym help.

  2. Hahaha! Welcome to the Coalition Gina! I hope your enjoying it. The grunter's get me everytime! Same with people who drop weight..really light weight, and it doesnt matter what exercise, the weights smashing to the ground!